Joke of the Day!

One day I received a letter from my grandma.... 
The other day I went up to a local Christmas bookstore and saw a 'honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come back from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the lord and how good he is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loved Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then leaned out of his window and screamed " for the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO! what an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking ! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a 'sunny beach'. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck In the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant and he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met someone from Hawaii, so I leaned out of the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing. He was enjoying this religious experience too! A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So I waved to all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light had changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we have shared, so I slowed down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the lord for such wonderful folks!
Grandma

Smilin Bob for sale at Fuss Cattle Co

Smilin Bob sold by Crow Show Cattle

Joke of the Day!

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.

The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

Joke of the Day!

A man was walking along a Southern California beach when he spotted a bottle in the sand. He picked it up and started  wiping it off, when a genie appeared. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes." The man said, "O.K., I so much enjoy walking along the beach, so for my 1st wish I would like to have a large 14 room house on about 100 acres of land here on the beach." The genie snapped his fingers and said "Done!" The man said, "For my second wish, I will need some money to take care of this house, so I want to have 500 million dollars in my bank account." The genie said "Done! and now your 3rd wish." Well he said,I realy enjoy the beaches of Hawaii so I want a bridge built from my house so I can drive over there any time I want and walk along Waikiki." The genie said, "Wow, uh, have you considered the logistics involved; you have to have huge but flexible supports that have to go through various stratas to get a good solid foundation on bedrock below the ocean floor, varying from a few feet to almost 5 miles deep. Then you have to take into account earth shifting, and tidal movement. And the storms, and rains, and lightning, and typhoons to take into account. Then you have the winds to deal with and the salt water being corrosive and the amount of expansion and contraction because of temperature changes. Could you possibly think of something easier for your 3rd wish?" The man said, "O.K., well, then, I would like to understand women." The genie said. "Do you want your bridge to be a 2-lane or a 4-lane?

Joke of the Day!

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment…make it memorable

Joke of the Day!

Barack Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowns, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent or just leading me on?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?" The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," says the Queen. Obama goes back home, excited put Joe Biden to the test, he asks his vice president, the same question. "Joe. Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Biden asks Powell, "Colin! Can you answer a question for me? Colin Powell, "I can try" Joe Biden, "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell answers back, "That's easy. It's me!" Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!" Then, he goes back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer for you, if my parents have a baby and It's not my brother and its not my sister, It's Colin Powell." Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Joke of the Day!

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? " The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"

Another Smilin Bob Champion as seen on Holtkamp's Blog!

Nathan Novak, Champion Market animal at Burlington, Iowa show today. 

Joke of the Day!

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.  Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.  Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.  Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.  Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.  Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.  Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.  Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED By THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.  Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

TJ made it to Nebraska!!

Joke of the Day sent in from Cordan Wiley

A young guy from Kansas moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says,"Yeah. I was a salesman back in Kansas." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and See how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One".
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65". The boss says, "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Ram." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?" The kid said, "No the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's done - you should go fishing.'

Joke of the Day sent in from Eric Culp!

BEAR REMOVER
 
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear Removers.'

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
 
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
 
'What are you going to do,' the homeowner asks?
 
'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.'
 
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner.
 
'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.

All hooked up and ready to go!

TJ is traveling to Nebraska he will be at Kevin Heath's by Friday night, so if you have any calves sired by our calves and would like him to look at them he will have all day Saturday in Nebraska. He will then be in Kansas all day Sunday and Oklahoma on Monday so fill free to call him and let him come by and look at your calves.